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If it wasn't for horoscopes and page3, why else would a chav buy a newspaper?

Chav Aries Horoscope
March 20th through April 20th
Chavs need no special lucky charms today. Everything you do is filled with luck. The giro you have been waiting for will arrive on time.
Chav Taurus Horoscope
April 20th through May 20th
Chav Taureans are very bossy. You might find yourself hogging the cider tonight. Don't! Share it with the girl with the huge earrings and you could be lucky too!
Chav Gemini Horoscope
May 21st through June 21st
Your stars predict some bad luck coming your way. Either your job seekers allowance will be withheld pending investigation of you working cahs in hand at the corner shop, or your white trainers will get dirty.
Chav Cancer Horoscope
June 21st through July 22nd
Your mother won't babysit for you this week so you will have to stay in and look after the kids yourself. Plan ahead any buy in some strong white cider and you won't miss out on getting bladdered.
Leo the Chav Horoscope
July 23rd through August 22nd.
Lucky Leos will not spend all their giro today on alcohol as the till girl will make a mistake and not charge you for something.
Chav Virgo Horoscope
August 23rd through Sept 23rd

Take the family out for a meal to bring harmony to your life. The kids will love a happy meal anyway.

Chav Libra Horoscope
Sept 23rd through October 23rd
The wisest of all chavs, the libran will suceed this week in making money. The 10 lottery win shouldn't be squandered though.
Chav Scorpio Horoscope
October 23rd through November 22nd
An extra spoiler os go faster stripe on your car will make you feel more in control of your life than before. Empty a large beans can and start working on the new exhaust.
Sagittarius Horoscope
November 22nd through December 21st
Chavettes should make the most of their natural beauty today and only wear three pairs of earrings and one big pendant.
Chav Capricorn Horoscope
December 22nd through January 20th
Your lucky number is 4 and your lucky chinese meal is number 61.
Chav Aquarius Horoscope
January 20th through February 19th
Do not shout at the man from the tv licensing dept today. Instead refuse to let him in and tell him you're from down the road.
Chav Pisces Horoscope
February 19th through March 19th
Be sure to keep fit this week as you might need to run away from the law soon. Keep your tracksuit clean too.

You've read your horoscope, now take our Chav Test to see how chavvy you really are.

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